you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
