I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
