PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
