i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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