Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Ketchup is God's man juice
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
it glows. i had to have it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
