Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
