Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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