fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
