My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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