I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
