im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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