There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
