i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
where am i from again
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I checked into jail on foursquare
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
