Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
