when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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