From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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