I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
