I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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