are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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