Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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