I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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