Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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