you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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