I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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