She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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