why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
