Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
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Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
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Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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