I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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