Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
