You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
