she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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