I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
