I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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