I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
