I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Threesome in a minivan. New low
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
