so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
