I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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