you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
