omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wanna passion pit in your ass
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
