Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
