Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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