the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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