Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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