Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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