I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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