he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
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My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
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He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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