Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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