She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
3 2 1 whiskey
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
