I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
