Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
