It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
