i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
