your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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