Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
