chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
