I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
