she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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