I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
