I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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