You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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