Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
