my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The best revenge is premature balding
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
