Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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