so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
