Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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