youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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