Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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