btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
