Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
