I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
